Parents often feel they know their children very well. We notice their habits, understand their preferences, and can often predict how they will react in different situations. Over time, we build a clear picture of who they are.
But what about the other way around?
How much do our children actually know about us?
It is not a question we often ask. In most families, understanding flows in one direction. Parents observe, guide, and respond, while children follow, react, and learn. But rarely are they asked to observe us in the same way. As a result, children grow up being understood, but not always learning how to understand others.
Understanding someone is not automatic. It requires attention, memory, and awareness. It means noticing small details, remembering preferences, and recognizing patterns over time. These are important human skills, but they are not always practiced directly in everyday parenting.
One simple way to introduce this is by turning the direction around.
Instead of asking children questions about themselves, we ask them about us.
This can be done as a light and simple activity. Sit down with your child and ask them a few questions about you. What do you like to eat? What do you usually do when you are tired? What makes you happy? You can present it as a small guessing game to keep it natural and relaxed.
When they answer, share your actual answers and compare.
What matters is not whether they get it right. The value comes from the moment that follows. Some answers will be accurate, some will be off, and some may surprise both of you. This opens up a different kind of conversation. Asking “Why did you think that?” or “When did you notice that?” encourages the child to reflect on what they have seen and how they interpret it.
Some questions can go a little deeper. For example, asking “What does Mommy or Daddy not like?” often leads to interesting answers. Many children may say things like “when I don’t listen” or “when I make a mess.” These moments are not about correcting them, but about helping them connect their actions with how others feel. It becomes a quiet opportunity for them to reflect on their own behavior without being directly told.
You can also switch roles and let your child ask you the same questions about themselves. This makes the interaction more balanced and reinforces that understanding goes both ways.
Over time, something shifts.
The child begins to look outward more. They start to notice details, remember patterns, and pay attention to how others feel. They are no longer only responding to instructions, but actively observing the people around them.
This builds awareness.
And awareness is a skill that carries far beyond the home. In real life, relationships are not one-directional. They require understanding others, not just expressing ourselves.
By creating small moments like this, we help children practice that skill in a natural way.
It also changes the relationship. The child is not only being understood—they are trying to understand. That shift creates a different kind of connection, one that feels more mutual and more real.
If you want to try this, you can start with simple questions like these. Keep it light, keep it open, and focus on the conversation rather than the answers.
What is Mommy/Daddy’s favorite food?
What does Mommy/Daddy like to do when they are free?
What makes Mommy/Daddy happy?
What makes Mommy/Daddy tired?
What does Mommy/Daddy not like?
What does Mommy/Daddy worry about?
What does Mommy/Daddy do every day?
What is something Mommy/Daddy always says?
What makes Mommy/Daddy proud?
What do you think Mommy/Daddy enjoy doing with you the most?
What do you think Mommy/Daddy wish you would do more?
These questions are simple, but they open the door to something deeper.
Because in the end, parenting is not only about guiding children.
It is also about helping them learn how to understand the people around them.
And sometimes, the simplest way to begin—
is to turn the question around.
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